Forgive me…I’m in tears again, and will have to heat up my coffee again. It’s a beautiful day…at 8am it’s 20C already. The morning started early with my dog walking through our park, espresso made by my best friend at our local bakery, planning for the day, and indulging in being among the trees. It’s a simple enough ritual that I’ve loved during this time at home…but a dear man died the other day, and although it was probably massive release for him after an epic battle with cancer, it hurts to know he’s not in the world any more. And so to my mind come his words of strength and quiet fight for the performing he did, the teaching and mentoring words he continued to pass to us, and the family and friends who were connected to him through love and understanding of the life he propelled through. I’m in tears, too, for the beauty of music that I’m not playing at the moment…for the yearning to be with my partners who converse in the language that needs no words. My Lagan Love and the end of Stravinsky’s Firebird Suite on BBC just now hit me in the chest…and that was it. Breakfast untouched and cold coffee. And then my mind wanders to those tens of thousands who haven’t survived this time. I don’t often give in to these thoughts of darkness and sadness. But sometimes the release is necessary. My life is full, and with my wonderful family, here and abroad, I do feel incredibly grateful. As a musician, there’s something of the vibration of surroundings that keep me afloat, and being among like-minded people is what’s sustained, and still does sustain me through this time. I can still collaborate with my friends, I have coffee with my mom everyday, my brother and sister call often and we have a laugh with a glass…or more! Of course my little family have been a great source of daily wonderfulness! I’m so happy to have had all this exclusive time with them at home. We’re looking forward to a week at the beach in July…yup, still enjoy each other’s company! The sky is a glorious blue, and I’m going to practise Maquarre scale patterns, and then play lots of Telemann…with a smattering of the Bozza Image that my students have decided is fabulous and I must now learn it! We have a brand-spanking new website for the British Flute Society launching next week and I’m so very proud of how the Council have galvanised recently to work together on projects and the daily workings of the charity. I’m feeling so much lighter having written this. We have to release ourselves once in a while. It may bring more acceptance for what’s been happening. It can show where to find that love and beauty when things seem darker.